Getting your Edge back…

To quote my other blog: “Wow! I can’t believe 2 weeks have gone by already since I posted my last update. It seems like it was just a few days ago to me. And what an amazingly productive couple of weeks it has been!”  I have finished redesigning my website and I’m 2 weeks into a new, temporary contract, where I directly get to test these concepts I write about, and I’m gaining more clarity on a car repair situation that has been haunting me for over a month.

Last time I touched base on how I hesitate and the ‘red flags’ go up when I have questioned my job satisfaction persistently.  But this time I feel like I have a different, more evolved perspective during this contract.  One based on “Service” to others, as opposed to servicing myself for own self gain.

But what does that mean in terms of relationships in the workplace and giving business clients what they need?

I believe that it means defining where our place within those relationships are.  Sometimes this can be difficult to determine.  What I think can get us to that determination faster is observing our own body language.  If you reference to my other blog, how would you picture my body language while feeling overqualified for a position?  How would you then see your own body language in comparison and in my place, where you’re out of a comfort zone anyway, unfamililar with both surroundings and routine reactions from others around you?  Is it tense, or confident?  Are there certain stances you take when management and executives approach you?  What about speaking in front of unfamiliar people?

Now let me ask you this….WHO then has ‘power’ over you in those situations of unfamiliarity and discomfort?  The most common reaction to this question is elusive, as people tend to answer that the client or customer and their supporting staff deserve to know YOU better, that they have been in their positions longer, that they already KNOW the ropes and they are there to TEACH you.  However…only YOU have power over you, your emotions, your reactions, and who you give ‘power’ to.  The people you interact with are your guidelines, your boundaries, that must be tested for certainty.  A positive way to test these boundaries would be to reflect on your interview and review the reasons the client/customer hired you in the first place.  Maybe you met with colleages during your interview process as well, and they had impact on why you were hired to do the job.  Ultimately, in that case, it was YOU that exuberated influence on THEM.  You would not be there if that were not the case.

Lets take another perspective….and I’m pulling this idea directly out of Tony Robbins’ Ultimate Relationship Program, DVD 2 (approx. 20 minutes into the movie).

You go to work for 2 reasons (hopefully).  To give service to others through what you are passionate about doing for a living, and to be compensated accordingly for that service rendered.

But what if the money is the main focus, instead of rendering the service as the main focus?  What if your main focus is just getting that paycheck?  How does that feel to you?  Do you feel like you’re fulfilling your purpose, like you are contributing to others around you?
Pay attention to your body signals when you are in this state?  Do you feel this pull of resistance that you are conciously trying to ignore by means of logic and needing to pay the bills?  How does this SERVE you?  How does this money-based focus serve others?  “Well…I deserve to be paid what I am worth!” you might say.  Very true.  You deserve that and then some.  But deep down you know that performing at this pace secures your future train wreck.  If your focus is purely financially based, you will not see that you are in your own way.

When you have a passion for something, you try everything you can to keep that passion in your life.  A person will even lie and cheat, steal and kill, just to keep a very strong passion alive…negative or positive.
One will FIGHT for a passion.  Our very nation has proved that over centuries, but even other cultures have found the courage to stand up and fight for their passion.  In business, the owner of the company will only employ people who he perceives as holding up the values he stands for.  Clients, customers, and co-workers all want the same from you.  So if this is not matching up in your life, it is time to evaluate what your own values are in comparison with the company’s or client’s values.  The BEST way to do this is to ask the question “what’s most important to me in my __x__ area of my life?”.

Men…when you go out to find the love of your life, do you ONLY look for the outer beauty of a woman?  Women…most of you already know this answer intuitively…meaning you intuitively already ‘go for’ what you see on the ‘inside’ of a man when you feel an attraction.  Not to say that either sex doesn’t enjoy outer beauty…by far, we are so outer driven at times, we wonder how to sync our visual attractions with our emotional and logical attractions.  The answer lies in our values and taking the time to discover them.

I think what we look for in our co-workers, in our clients and customers, is this immediate attraction and comfort.  This is best displayed with the tradition of treating the client, customer, or coworker to lunch or dinner.  If we get food in the body and break bread with the people we are to connect with short or long-term, then an immediate physical comfort will kick in through body reaction to filling the stomach with food.

The bottom line is that each relationship within the business, yours AND theirs, is temporarily weakened by unfamiliarity and uncertainty.  We do several things with and outside of our bodies to secure the uncertain…to regain control that we think is lost…to become certain again.  But the fastest way there is not through what we do…it is through how we FEEL.  We need to consider our values and match those to the values of the client, customer, or overall business goals.  What we forget is that WE have the power to do this…not “we” give our power over to someone else to manage it for us because we’re getting a paycheck.  Remember….only so much can be bought with money.

See you in another week, folks.  As always…it is my absolute pleasure to write to you.  As I do so, I am following my path I am destined to walk and being of service to all of you.  One way or another.

BTW…special thanks to Vince Cooper for listing me in his Personal Development Forum website, and my Velocity blog, and my newly re-dsigned website for I.T. Services I render.  What a powerful guy he is too.  He works as a Life Coach in Japan and is available both online and by appointment, and he is available world-wide… he puts the POWER back in YOU.    Vince and I officially met on PD4PS, where I am both a forum moderator and contributor, even though we knew of eachother on the Anthony Robbins Community Forum.  Vince Cooper and I seem to have parallel paths of value, even while I entertain my passion for I.T.  How cool is THAT!

Gender Dynamics in the workplace making you go ‘hmmm’ sometimes?

Is your job what you feel you want to be doing for the rest of your life?  How much do you love your job?  How does your job make you feel when you are there?  Is it the job that you love doing?  Or is it the people in the job that make the difference to you?

Can you honestly answer these questions without hesitation?

I know I have hesitated at times.  It’s only been when I have questioned my job satisfaction persistently where I have felt that red flag go up in the back of my mind.  That it was usually a time to reach a higher level of knowledge, experience, and responsibility.

On the one hand, I have loved what I do and enjoyed the people around me I have worked with very much, and on the other hand, I’ve been where I’ve wanted something more challenging….more skill sets, more growth.  But what I’ve really wanted is to feel needed and accepted, and not ignored and left behind by the ever-growing technological advancements.  But that’s just one part of it.  Other times where ‘dissatisfaction’ has appeared in my contracts has been when people within my contracts have contributed to making it challenging to get along with at times.

I think, as a woman working with a bunch of men in I.T., that there are significant differences in mentally and emotionally processing the relationships at work.  There aren’t really environments of “hunter/gatherer” and “nurturer” between men and women working together on teams in I.T., but there are certain uncomfortable tensions at times that sends either gender seeking solace amongst like-sex peers.  While men will show respect by not being too raunchy and giving credit to a woman’s intelligence and physical capability within the job, women will also respect a “man with a plan” type of leadership personality and voice their opinions on how to improve on working relationships more.

Could it be that male counterpart team mates feel like females have stepped onto their turf and henceforth feel powerless?  Could it be that female counterpart team mates acquire over-achiever attitudes out of their natural tendency to balance everyone and everything around them?

So what happens when this dynamic builds over time and increases?  My observations have been that the guys get together to get into some ‘action’ game, like Doom or Counter Strike, get together for a full-contact sporting event, or gather at a local happy-hour facility for food and beverages.  Gals, on the other hand, will congregate in the cafeteria to chat about their home lives, call their best friends, schedule a ‘girls night out’ for a man-bashing session (or to forget men altogether), or get emotional if there is no outlet.  Either way, both sexes seek connection in eachother’s ‘like’ company, so to relate to eachother.

If the tensions are enabled and allowed to increase by means of avoidance and selective ignorance, work relationship conflicts begin to form, the team is then laden with more pressure, and eventually someone becomes unhappy in their job and leaves…mentally and emotionally at first, followed by physically.

So how can these tensions in the work place be resolved, especially within co-ed I.T. teams who work together in the same room without cubicle seperation?

I will leave you with an invitation to answer this question by posting your comments, and I will see you next week with my own evaluation.

The 6 Human Needs around a “Safe Problem”

As I review movie #1 again in Tony Robbins’ “Ultimate Relationship Program”, I relate the last part of the seminar to much around what I am experiencing right now, while I deal with contracting agencies while I am seeking new employment.  I am a bit reluctant to start my job hunt today.  In the last week, my thoughts have swirled around self-talk of “Ugh…ok…lemme see if I can knock another 10-15 applications/resume’s out today and how many don’t respond.”  Yet, I am by far not a quitter!  I have turned situations around on a dime…literally last minute…and gotten TOTALLY excited about them.

Maybe this is a crazy 8 pattern in itself?  Not focusing on the people that are involved, and only focusing on the intended result of gaining employment?  I could see this as being repetitive in my life, and it’s something that’s making me go hmmmmm….and think about.

So since this has become a repetitive pattern that has developed into a challenge of not being excited by the people involved, only the results, I move on to wonder what NEEDS I’m having met by this challenge repeating itself?  What is it that I am fearing to LOSE, to RISK, by repeatedly putting out quotas but not focusing on the people involved?  What IS the False Evidence that Appears Real here?  And is this a Quality Problem or a Safe Problem?

If it was a “Quality Problem”, then I would endure the risk of losing this fear, and move on to a higher stage in life by stepping up to the interpersonal communications or confrontations that include critisism, even asking people that are relatedly involved for help.
If it was a “Safe Problem”, then it would be stringently within my control to overcome any procrastination, hesitation, withdrawing from contracting agent relationships, or even blaming the contracting agencies and their clients for my troubles (i.e. lack of communication).  Furthermore, if I were to consider this a Safe Problem, then continuing to procrastinate, hesitate, withdraw and blame would protect myself from my fear and from feeling that I’m not ‘enough’.
I’m wondering if I have created a “Safe Problem” for myself to avoid making a risky decision?

So is the challenge in trusting contracting agencies and their agents and henceforth develop the relationships I want in my career?  After all, I do get calls and emails stating that my resume is a perfect fit for the job, that my personality would be a good fit for the team, that my go-getter attitude is exactly what is needed, and the next day I don’t hear from them again as they’ve moved on to the next person.  I have found that I am asking myself the question “How do you build trust with people like that?”

We all want comfort.  Avoid pain at all costs.  We LIVE to experience PLEASURE.  And we are driven to consistently make sure we have enough comfort in our lives.  It’s a survival instinct.  I had asked a Program Manager on my last project I was contracted to for some constructive critisism, to which he replied that I have a strong tendency to lead because I’ve had to all my life out of survival.  I’ve been a single mother for most my children’s lives.  I chose to work in I.T., where men still dominate this career arena and are sometimes not sure how to deal with a female team member, sometimes out of fear of violating human resource eithics.

Yet, the quality of our lives is in direct proportion of the amount of uncertainty (aka ‘variety’) we can ‘comfortably’ live with.  I LOVE contracting!  I love the challenges of learning something new all the time.  I love having a new contract, because it means RESULTS in a short period of time, and there is constantly the challenge to meet a new goal.  To meet the need someone else has.  I don’t just want to be the solution to ONE person’s problem…I want to be the solution to MANY people’s problems.  It makes me feel very excited and alive to meet more expectations on a large scale in a short (3-6 month) time frame.  What I’m NOT comfortable with is the ‘dead time’ in between contracts.  When fulfilling the needs of others are at a standstill due to lack of communication.

Everyone finds a way to meet their needs.  Everyone gains comfort one way or another, just as we get variety into our lives by sometimes the least resourceful ways.  The answer to meeting these needs only comes from within after asking one’s self the questions “Is HOW I’m meeting this need serving me just in the short-term NOW, or is HOW I am meeting my needs beneficial to me over the long-term?”

I love this little excerpt out of a couple of Tony Robbins’ lectures around our 6 basic human needs, where he asks his audience “How many of you LOVE surprises?  If you do, raise your hand to say ‘aye’!”, and most of the audience raises their hand to say “Aye”.  Tony’s rebuttal to the audience’s response is “BULLSH!T.  You like the ’surprises’ you WANT!”.  Now isn’t that the truth!  I don’t want the surprise of extra time on my hands without a contract or income?  I don’t want the surprise of a negative or non-response from the agencies and/or clients I promote myself to.

Just so happens, the possibilities I need to work with also involve me becoming more significant.  Significant to contracting agencies and their agents.  Networking with others I have communicated with in the past.  Promoting myself stronger.  Not taking “no” for an answer and “moving on” to the next opportunity until I AM significant and get a “yes” from someone.  Guess what I do by doing this???  I CONNECT with people!  Which is the 4th basic human need we ALL have.  I also simultaneously connect with all of you by sharing my thoughts here and you reading them.  How would I continue contracting by not getting all 4 of these needs met?  How can I NOT be ADDICTED to contracting, since I already get 4 of these needs met on a consistent basis over time?

So, it’s out of my need for comfort, for certainty, that I have in fact created a “Safe Problem” for myself, running the pattern today of withdrawing myself and blaming non-communicators (and those who only selectively choose what to hear/read), to protect myself from risking x and losing y.  Yet, I can sit in a dead quiet house and NEVER be bored!  I’m writing this thoguht-provoking blog to you right now.  I’m thinking of possibilities I can work with to gain more pleasure.  And out of my need for significance, I have repeated this pattern.  Out of this self-defeating belief that people will feel sorry for me and support me more by trying to draw me out of my ’shell’ when I feel I need to withdraw, I fulfilled the 4th need for significance, destructively to my long-term goals.

The only way to resolve this is to grow from this revelation by changing my approach and contribute MORE.  That doesn’t mean I have to contribute money I don’t have or promises I can’t keep.  But I can contribute my available time, my skills, my personality, my thoughts and ideas, and my understanding.  And since I am addicted to gaining more pleasure in my life through solving many people’s problems in short periods of time, and becoming significant to them through our connection, my contribution MUST STEM FROM THERE!!! The trick to finding my fulfillment in this solution is finding the way I can contribute these things beyond myself and KNOW that I have made an impact to someone else’s benefit…that is the ONLY way I will KNOW that I have GROWN beyond my “Safe Problem”, because I will have FELT it.

I had a conversation with the townhome owner around anger and choice this week.  It started out as a conversation around inquiring about my job search and understanding my frustration around not being able to get even a basic I.T. Security Clearance right now, as he has experienced the same.  But it soon elevated into a discussion around “what if” someone pissed you off….and then into “what if I pissed you off” (I think this was a test of my beliefs that occurred).  I stood my ground.  I truly believe that it is solely a choice…even if it is a reaction, it is a CHOICE to react.

At first, when noticing this, we just notice how quickly we react to someone who ‘pisses us off’.  Then with practice, we train ourselves to react slower and to actually empower that CHOICE to not react negatively.  We’re not perfect.  And we are all fallible humans of emotion.  The lesson is to play with this control of our emotions.

Back to my room owner, a couple of days later, I mentioned again how warm he keeps the upstairs where my room is.  None of the other rooms experience the warmth in the extreme it had carried.  His immediate reaction was “if you’re not comfortable, then find another place to live”.  My immediate response was that the conversation has ended for now, and I communicated that very strongly, but not hatefully.  I got a fan.  It’s an energy-saver one.  The conflict is in direct proportion to our different personal values.  A very important factor to consider in ANY relationship.

My other room mate and I enjoy eachother’s company very much, and he is very interested in my progress, as I am in his.  We go to movies, sightseeing, even shopping together.  We communicate so well that I have to stop myself, and him, so that I continue working on life-supporting goals rather than gas-bag time away and end up with nothing accomplished.  He totally understands and doesn’t take offense.  He calls his girlfriend or goes out to eat or goes to watch TV or even socializes with the owner.  We ‘part’ as friends, which is what I cherish and enjoy about his company as well.  And he has even backed me up at times to mention to the owner that it is hot in my rented room.  2 totally different relationship responses.

I had another interview this week where I was given the impression that I could be in the job I was applying for tomorrow.  As soon as he found out about my status on Security Clearance, the attitude changed, and out in the ‘cold’ I went.  This dynamic has me very curious as of late.  I noticed more control over myself and my reactions, but I’m noticing almost a dissapointed reaction in the interviewer in front of me around my lack of emotion shown when given the “no” answer.  There seems to almost be a pushing to elicit an emotion from me by repeating what they have already said an additional 2 or 3 more times.

Yet another different kind of encounter occurred this week.  A very brief opportunity for relationship with a millionaire I met downtown in Washington, D.C.  I was just happily aimlessly meandering the city streets, enamoured by all the historical buildings and memorabilia surrounding me, when I stumbled into a police-blocked off event.  I was curious, of course, and went to see what this gathering was all about.  Turns out it was the PRIDE parade in Washington, D.C..  Ok…lemme check this out.  Just for fun.

After getting a few laughs in and while enjoying their somewhat lewd parade, I ended up next to this guy that struck up a playful conversation with me around where I need to be to pick up straight guys (was it stamped on my forehead?).  LOL  But after a few minutes and asking him what he did for a living, I was floored.  I was talking to Ric Rawls of Rawls Collaborative Consultants and author of “Simplicity in Life”.  Our conversation ended up being an amazing 3 hour conversation, he personally wrote in my journal of the things he has published in his book, and walked around DC and talked while I was being counselled on my Vision and my plans to become a business owner myself.  All I can say is that I felt like someone straight out of the movies “The Secret” or “The Opus” was talking to me….it was jaw-dropping!  I received a compliment around how I seem like I actually already DO have a good plan together, how my timelines are not unrealistic, and that my knowledge that I have gained is very supportive to the path I want to follow.  Maybe I just needed the confirmation.

I wonder sometimes what people say to themselves while in a relationship with me.  On the other hand, I really don’t want to get into nit-picky details and the danger or being critisized and ostrisized.  The only reason I would be interested to know is because I’d want to hear (confirmation) the difference in what people tell themselves out of a purely curious personal development research study.  Anthony Robbins says that we are controlled by what we say to ourselves, but also that the proximity we endure and accept as our peer groups are a direct reflection of the relationships we are most likely to feel we are worthy of.  So does this mean that some of us stay in negative pasts to help heal past pain or continue past pain?

I think the whole reason why any relationship pain is endured and carried on is because one of the parties refuses to communicate.  It takes a lot of strength and self-control to endure tough communications.  And that even goes for the communications we have with ourselves.  But yet, I think we selectively forget the initial great feelings we have experienced when we have been excited about either the other person and how great it was to encounter them, or even how great it was when we got excited about chasing after and reaching a goal.  And there are very few goals that don’t involve other people.  It really takes a concious CHOICE to go to feeling either state….feeling frustrated or angry…..or feeling totally excited and grateful about meeting someone else.

Time for Relationships and making them valuable

Let me ask you a question.  What do you spend your time on?

Is it your work?  Is it on cleaning your house?  Is it spent sitting at a computer all day?  My God!  All the things we have to do in the day, in the week, within a certain time frame!  Most of us work 80% of our time, then we run our errands, pay our bills, have a meal, sit and watch whatever the media can feed to us out of a box (with surprises), and then go to bed.  Deadlines need to be met.  Things need to get done.

Now let me ask you this.  Who do you spend your most valuable time with?

Is it with your team mates at work in a dark server room?  Is it with board members of meetings?  Is it with your clients on the phone every day?  Is it with your email?  Is it with your significant other and your family and friends?

Ok…don’t go feeling guilty on me now about how you spend your time and who with.  That’s not the purpose of my questions.  My purpose is simply this:  It’s important to spend balanced time with all your relationships, and all your relationships should have value (even the negative ones) to your life.  If they don’t, it’s time to review your relationships and make appropriate adjustments.

In a world of high demands and trying to achieve our most important goals, we sometimes forget the relationships that shape our experiences.  We work long hours and rush to spend time with our families, but is it really the relationships within those experiences we are focused on, or is it our personal experiences we are focused or reacting on?  Even when we collaborate in forums on-line, its often forgotten that it’s not just US having the experience, but the person we are having an experience with is affected by us as well.

What are we giving to others to experience throughout our days, weeks, months?  What are we giving that could be important to them, of value?  How do you KNOW it’s of value to them?  Based on assumptions and speculations?  Or have you actually asked for feedback and what they need?

We are ‘animals’, but we are intelligent animals.  In comparison to the rest of the animal world, we collaborate more, we hunt more, and we provide more.  We shape this world into what it is, as do all other animals on this planet.  Our basic instincts go beyond eating, procreating, and feeding our young, but we constantly complain about how we don’t have enough time for our valuable relationships.  What if we made all our relationships valuable?

If we made all of our relationships valuable, then it wouldn’t feel like we have “no time”.  Even the relationships with ourselves would become more fulfilling, since we give of ourselves to others thereafter.  The very thing that holds us back from making all of our relationships valuable is F.E.A.R.!  False Evidence that Appears Real!  We think if we value our bosses too much, it is brown nosing.  We think that if we value our romantic relationships too much, we will smother our significant other.  We think that we shouldn’t value our coworkers too much, as it displays a weak character and naivete of them superseding us in competition for our goals.  Besides, all those people at work will think you’re too nice, and then the fear of being ‘walked on’ and being ‘thrown under the bus’ appears.

Yet, what if we DID shape our relationships to match our own values?  Not like this isn’t asked of us all the time to do.  Our working hours might be more enjoyable and time spent there would feel worthy and giving and appreciative.  Our time spent doing errands might turn into opportunities to meet new, like-minded individuals each time.  Our bill paying might turn into mini financial education sessions contributed as a byproduct of our in-person or on-line presence during the short process.  Our grocery shopping might actually turn into Publix’s slogan – “where shopping is a pleasure” – because of the health education, BBQ like-minded, fellow pizza & beer buyer brief encounters with a smile (and long checkout lines might actually turn into valuable leads of interest).  We might actually see the true value of our significant others, family, and friends through a new found appreciation.  We might regain a long-lost self-confidence by valuing ourselves more.

So if you look at it, we DO have time for relationships.  We are in relationships every single day.  In person and online.  And it is our CHOICE to look at what we VALUE in each of these areas of relationships.  There is no reason to F.E.A.R. our interactions, or to dread or worry about time about to be spent with them.  There IS reason to discover what exactly it is we VALUE…about ourselves…about what we WANT in the relationship…and what exactly the other person values to know how we can give them the same honor.

Until next time…..

7th_Labyrinth

The force that shapes the quality of our lives

Originally when I started this blog, my intention was to chart my progress through the Ultimate Relationship Program and my personal experiences with it.  That focus has not changed.  Actually, I have charted quite a bit of progress on the Anthony Robbins Community forum in relation to this journey, so in upcoming posts, I will recap here what I have learned.

My greatest challenge in posting here was ‘time’.  I got caught up in my new contract and got overwhelmed with the different responsibilities and balancing family and ‘me’ time.  My second greatest challenge was the type of relationships I have been introduced to and learning how to balance them into my life.  I took on a contract out of state, away from all influences I was normally involved with.  This experience is new to me, the relationships developed have been interesting and exciting, but it has not been, and still is not ‘easy’.  It takes work, patience, a lot of contemplation when things don’t go as expected, and a little trick I like to term ‘temporary compromise’ – which means temporarily changing my approach to accomodate another person’s needs as well as my own until a better solution is found.  I have had a few over the last 4 months.

In any relationship we get into, not just friendships and romantic ones, we have criteria – expectations – that we ‘decide’ on prior to even entering the relationship.  I think this is MOST obvious in business, and most acceptable in this area that there ARE expectations to be met.  Yet how much do we compromise our expectations in our personal relationships and the ones with our colleagues?  What exactly stops us from having the kind of relationships we want?  Why do we let ourselves continually feel frustrated when we have conflict, yet don’t do anything to resolve that frustration?

The answer is in heeding our needs and the needs of others we choose to have in our lives.  In working with some of Tony Robbins’ other programs, I have learned that there are 6 basic human needs….not wants….NEEDS…that if we do not heed them, we end up with whatever just shows up and feel unfulfilled in our lives, in our careers, and in our relationships.  These needs are:

1. Certainty
2. Variety
3. Significance
4. Connection
5. Growth
6. Contribution

We must ask ourselves, whenever we feel in conflict with anyone, or even if we feel completely happy with someone, which of these needs we are getting met, and rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

However, what do we DO with this information then?  Well…the first thing to do is to not just ‘think’ it, but to ‘INK’ it! 

Write down the why’s and the why nots so we can see in front of us what it is we are happy or unhappy with.  The second step is to look for the solutions.  We’re human.  We are intelligent and emotional beings.  Our first reaction IS to resolve a problem.  We have to FEEL there is a problem first before our brain goes out there looking for ways to SOLVE the problem.

Then there is this other factor that kicks in, once our brains start going out there to look for solutions to a problem.  Our concious kicks in and recognizes “problems” as life-threatening (language), and so we lose sight of the solutions due to the emotions that kick in.  Things like “well, if that person were THIS way, then I wouldn’t do THAT!” or “If my managers would just recognize my talents, THEN I could actually get ahead in my game!”.  This other factor, these defensive conversations we impose on ourselves, are called Rules and Beliefs.  WE create them.  No one creates them FOR us.  So that means we can create NEW ones at any given time.

How do you carry yourself when your relationships are not going as you expected?  What do you tell yourself then?  HOW do you tell yourself?  How do you say it?  In “proper English” or all in cuss words?  If you looked at a single situation in your past, where you were in an unsatisfied state with and/or around someone else you were involved with, can you replay that instant in your mind?  Could you recall what your body felt like?  What went through your head?  What rules you decided on at the moment?

Now comes ANOTHER situation….we get a new job, a new house, a car, we meet someone new and exciting, we suddenly see the sun shining again outside….something GOOD happens in our lives.  All of a sudden, we take on a different attitude.  Something in us flips a switch and we feel elated about the circumstance, or at least hopeful that life is turning around for us again.  Our heads go up, our shoulders go back, and a smile is back on our face.  In addition, the words in our heads are softer and lighter, as is the languaging.

Really notice the differences in the two situations.  What happened there?  Life, and perspective, changed rapidly, didn’t it?  So if we have this ability and actually USE it, we can probably at least change how we think and feel about those 6 human needs.

I recently had an experience with some of my coworkers and both of my managers, which really had me examine my own 6 human needs again, just as I described above.  Dissatisfied with the results I was experiencing, my brain went looking for the solution (not what someone TELLS me, but what my concious KNOWS and FEELS is right).  Then, one morning in the shower, the enlightenment hit me on how I need to and can change my life so more of my needs are met. 

I became obsessed and excited about this new focus.  My internal language changed.  My posture changed.  A couple of days later, I received a comment from one of the coworkers on how much happier I seemed and he wanted to know what happened (I didn’t tell…hehe). 

Now I am fleshing out the details of a master plan that’s measurable, involves other people and more relationships instead of shunning them away, and I’m actually excited again, almost like the first day I came on to this particular contract.  That doesn’t mean I will submit myself to the same experiences again (and submit myself to punishment).  That means that I saw how to turn my life and my relationships around by just a single, inspired thought.

Think about it.

See you next week.

Yours truly,
7th_Labyrinth

Tony Robbins – Breaking Through

Creating the life you deserve using the 6 Human Needs.

more about “Tony Robbins – Breaking Through“, posted with vodpod